Worship is my Medicine

The first time I felt God speaking to me was through music. I was a sophomore in High School, sitting in my room flipping through stations on the radio and stopped when I heard these lyrics,


Who am I, that the lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt?
Who am I, that the bright and morning star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart?
Not because of who I am
But because of what you’ve done
Not because of what I’ve done
But because of who you are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still you hear me when I’m calling
Lord, you catch me when I’m falling
And you’ve told me who I am
I am yours
Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again?
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain 
And calm the storm in me?
Not because of who I am
But because of what you’ve done
Not because of what I’ve done
But because of who you are

I started balling, I wanted to know this god who could love me for all my faults and who “would call out through the rain and calm the storm in me.” I didn’t grow up with Jesus in my life, I always knew there was a God but I never had a real understanding about who he was or the importance to have him in my life. During this time I was suffering from deep depression and didn’t feel I had anyone to turn to. When the song was over, I was wiping my tears, found out the station was 95.9 the Fish and the band was Casting Crowns. From that day on I never changed the station. That moment in my room sparked something in me, to start searching for a church that would teach me about this father who loves you unconditionally.

I remember the first time I stepped into a Christian church was with my best friend Lindsay and my good friend Christel. Worship started and I saw all walks of life raising up their hands singing. I was a little self-conscious, I didn’t know the songs, I didn’t know what to feel but I remember my best friend squeezing my hand and gave me a look, like everything was going to be okay. I started singing along, closed my eyes, and started crying. Everything we were singing about I wanted to know, wanted to believe and be able to have that in my life. The pastor preached his sermon and at the very end he said “if anyone in this room felt God’s presence and want to accept Jesus Christ as your Savior and be born again please stand up.” At this point I was crying but too nervous to stand. I remember looking at my best friend who was crying with me and she helped me to stand up. Even though she was already a Christian she did it with me. That moment changed me forever.
Photo by: Mary Baird
I’m not saying that my life has been perfect since that day. I still deal with a lot of struggles, pain, and will continue to go through but now I have a God, a Father to help me through those times, who will always be there and love me for me. I have a purpose now.
Photo by: Mary Baird
Everyone finds Christ in their own ways but to me music is how I found Jesus. I’m an artist, so anything from music, to dance, to acting, it speaks to me. The melodies of a song, the lyrics, the people singing them, that’s when I feel God’s presence the most. Not saying the sermons or the teachings aren’t important but when I worship that’s when I know and really believe there is a god.
Photo by: Mary Baird
If you’re reading this and have your doubts, it’s okay, I had and still have them too but the one thing that I always go back to is the feeling that I cannot explain. That feeling makes me believe in a God that I can’t see and be able to trust this God even when times are the worst. Believing gives me hope for my future. I use to be afraid of the unknown (at times I still am) but I’m getting better at letting go of my fear because I know God’s going to take care of it. I’m not saying that God’s going to grant me these wishes or prayers that I ask for but when I go through another rough patch, I’ll be able to turn to my faith to help me get through it. I might not see a change for a while but eventually I will understand why I had to go through those tough times. Is it always easy? NO but having my faith is the only thing that truly makes me feel better.
Photo by: Mary Baird
 For me I need God in my life because his presence, just knowing him, calms me down to where I’m not always scared to live this life. I have someone always by my side. Even in my darkest hours where I thought what’s the point of being here, he was there. He used my friends, music, videos, books to reach out to me.
Photo by: Mary Baird
What sparked this post was the past two weeks the church I’m going to Eastside in Anaheim had two amazing worship nights celebrating 21 days of prayer. Both nights I felt God’s presence and it was just so beautiful to watch hundreds of people, young and old worshipping together. Every one of them representing a different story and season in their life but all coming together to praise a God who loves them no matter what they’ve gone through or are going through. And having a church who accepts all and doesn’t judge your background. It makes me emotional because I’m glad there are people out there who really care for you, even if you’re not blood related.  If you live in Orange County or don’t mind the drive there will be one more worship night this coming Wednesday, August 30th. You can also watch live right where you are on their facebook page.
Photo by: Mary Baird
 Here’s last Wednesday’s Worship Night at EASTSIDE  https://www.facebook.com/eastsidecc/
If you are super new to this faith thing but love good music, you should go. Worship has helped me through dark times, happy times, grateful times, times of loneliness, the list could go on. Whenever I’m stressing and nothing is helping I put on some Hillsong, Jeremy Camp, Elevation Worship, Tenth Avenue North, Bethany Dillon, SwitchFoot, Kari Jobe, Jordan Feliz… list could go on and on. 

I’ll leave you with a few of my favorite videos that helped me. If you’re struggling with something and would like some prayers, leave me a comment or email me. I want you to know, you are not in this alone, it might feel like it but there are people who do care and there is a God who is right by your side.




Love you all!




  1. Lesia Mervin
    August 27, 2017 / 10:11 am

    I love you

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